I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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