he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
