he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
