Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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