thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
