Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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