Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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