It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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