moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
