she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
