These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
