You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
