Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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