I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
