i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
