I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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