He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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