I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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