I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
