So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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