The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
