If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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