so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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