How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
