highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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