I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found your dick twin last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
