I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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