i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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