I think I won the penis lottery.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
