The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
