what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
