The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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