i wish starbucks made bloody marys
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
