Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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