Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
