She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
