My room smells like vodka and shame
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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