you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
