Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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