The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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