That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
