so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
