I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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