i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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