hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
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i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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