well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
