I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
