that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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