there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
