trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
