her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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