Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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