We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
