you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
