he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
