i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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