He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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