Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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