I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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